Thursday, December 09, 2004

Hearts and cold breeze

one can never be used to hearing someone being heartbroken. of course, it is painful if it's your heart being broken, but i can never get used to someone telling me, "hey, i just broke up with my boyfriend/girlfriend. it really hurts. i go home every night and cry before i sleep. what do i do?"

what can one do, really?

one needs to mourn, like someone has died. metaphorically, someone indeed dies when a relationship shatters to pieces--even if the shattering is mutual, peaceful, calm.

the very act of mourning is catharsis in itself--to free yourself from the clutches of all the memories that had piled while you were together. you burn yourself crying, you shatter yourself crying.

you need to undergo the cathartic act of being insane in order to understand what sanity means.

i've been through heartaches so sorrowful, i sometimes wonder what luck do i have in love. or maybe, it is just my ghosts that keep haunting me, for i have really never mourned.

i have never really exorcised myself.

and as this year wraps itself, and a new year unwraps itself in a few weeks' time, i find myself evaluating what i have done to exorcise myself--if the act was really cathartic, or it it was another futile attempt to love someone.

i have advised anyone to mourn when a relationship has ended. how does one mourn? does one wear black all the time, and cry out one's heart?

no. one undergoes the suffering of mourning--of eviscerating all possible forms of happiness, to drown one's self into depression, into insanity...

do not worry. the body will resurrect itself. just mourn. just drown yourself.

it's not the end of the world, but a world has indeed been shattered.

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