almost back to square one

It has been one long holiday break. A holiday break that also broke into a monotone of PS2 games and 12-hour sleeps.

And tomorrow, payment for the credit card is due, notwithstanding the other bills that need to be settled. Yep, a sudden reality check.

I knew it would be difficult. I have always prepared myself in such situations, always taking mental calisthenics and acrobatics to run my self through the rollercoaster of emotions that accompany such great risks.

Such as the decision to become a freelance graphic designer. Oh, yes, I am a freelance graphic designer.

And what does that mean?

No job security, no financial security, no routine. Just hours and hours and hours, te deum ad infinitum, of mindless wanderings about what can be done, about when something can be done, and about whoever can be the tool to have something done.

I am suffering over the maelstrom of insecurities that I have to endure.