Determined

She woke me up early today to watch the first screening of “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,” and incidentally, the first time in my whole life that I watched a movie on its first day of screening, and the very first screening at that.

We were too early. The mall was still closed. So we dropped by the nearby Starbucks branch. All along I was thinking she would be ordering her usual iced espresso, but today, she ordered an ensaymada for us two and a chocolate donut for Gabby. I also ordered a cup of brewed coffee to perk me up.

After noticing two different people wearing the same shirts and after finishing up the chocolate donut, we went to the mall that just opened and went straight to the ticket booth. Alas, the booth was still closed. We were also told that moviegoers would only be treated to a single screening (tough luck: I was planning to watch it twice).

With a bucket of popcorn we went in and enjoyed three solid hours of entertainment. Outside, “Transformers” merchandise was on display, and she promptly bought two shirts for her and Gabby. Tough luck again for me since they were not selling a shirt that would fit me.

She was determined though to buy me a new shirt. Side story: two officemates of mine already have shirts that are similar to what I have in the closet, and those shirts are the ones that I regularly wear at work.

After failing to find a suitable shirt for me at a popular boutique that catered to the stars of a broadcasting giant, I found a shirt that fit me, a black shirt with a large skull design out front, at a boutique that catered to rock stars and their ilk.

She was also in the mood to have some cake. We dropped by our favorite bakeshop at the mall, and brought home a lovely roll of chocolate caramel cake (As of this writing, the cake still sits untouched in the ref. We’re too full to take a bite).

We three went home fully satiated. I still had to cook spaghetti for her, and she still had to check on her finances.

With a half-roll of cake and a bunch of spaghetti noodles, we braved the light rain to visit my mother-in-law. We also took some time to play with Butchoi the family dog, who stayed behind at my in-laws’ house since he did not have that big space to run around at our apartment.

Afterwards, we left Gabby with my in-laws and went to the bank to withdraw funds. We went back to the mall, where we bought a tub of ice cream for ourselves and two blouses and hair dye for her mother.

Back at my in-laws’ house, she gave the blouses and the hair dye to her mother and picked up Gabby. We spent the night eating spaghetti, ice cream, and re-telling our favorite “Transformers” scenes.

Right now, she’s playing Sims 3, her favorite addiction. And me? Here, sitting this blog entry, enjoying how this day had transpired.

Her birthday.

Happy birthday, Alisa. Happy birthday, my TRUTH. This is truly a day I’m grateful for.

the year's almost out

2008 has been a good year, for all its ups and downs, for all its caboodles and oodles. Lemme count what I got this year:

>> a second happy year of marriage to a woman I happily love
>> my own website!
>> getting a job I really like, and all its attendant "motivations:" job security, medical coverage, mandatory benefits
>> use of a Mac (and for a country like us, that would really be something for an entry-level middle class worker like me)
>> a red street bike (a cross-over between a mountain bike and a racing bike)
>> Red Ezra, my noble Yamaha Nouvo SE

Materially, I have been successful. So far, I've been able to sustain a family and give some help to my parents. Spiritually... well, there's the rub.

This ain't about religion, though. There's a deep river between going to church assiduously and being emotionally, intellectually, spiritually enriched.

This is something we argue about, me and wifey: the old life I had. The old, unsustainable lifestyle that I had.

No, I'm no junkie. I'm no alcoholic, either. I WAS a poet, a musician, a writer. It was true that I lived on a meager salary, it was true that I had no cares about the strings (or ropes, actually) that this society, and the world in general, tie us down with.

I find it difficult to juggle the responsibilities I have now and the need of my "old" soul for literature, for poetry, for good food, for good music. A "clean, well-lighted place," as Hemingway wrote.

I complain that I have no time, but in reality, all the time for rest that I get I de-stress myself, which is just a painkiller, a remedy before the real burn-out happens.

How I thank God though to have given me someone that never tires to make me laugh. If she reads this, she'd tell me I'm ranting again, depressing myself again. Hahaha. And then she'll pinch my lovehandles, and kiss my nose. And then I go laugh uncontrollably.

Yep. I don't know what's with the nose, but a kiss on mine tickles me. She discovered it.

On a Roll!

Alisa's on a roll!

In a span of a few weeks, she has established two new blogs for her (and for our friends) to enjoy -- Thumbbook and Litrato at Iba Pa, both hosted at Wordpress.com.

Do pay these blogs a click -- you won't regret it. Part of why I fell in love with Alisa in the first place was her quasi-humorous style of writing (quasi since it reads funny, but is actually serious). Gets?

Describe love.

I haven't written about you for such a long time now. By now you should know why, or perhaps you have forgotten why.

I'll reminisce, then. I remember you asking me why I haven't written a poem for so long (except for the one I emailed to myself the other day). I simply answered you, "I have difficulty in describing indescribable happiness."

I have difficulty describing my teary-eyed moments with you, while our laughter fills the whole house.

I have difficulty describing the kisses you plant all over my face, and how I would laugh uncontrollably whenever you plant a kiss on my nose (a ticklish part I never knew until you discovered it).

I have difficulty describing how I feel whenever you look at me, whenever you pout, whenever you gently hit my arm... let's just say whenever I say you're cute at what you're doing, it's exactly that -- I find it cute whenever you look at me, whenever you pout, whenever you gently hit my arm.

And then, every now and then, after all my difficulty in describing my indescribable happiness, you ask me if I'll ever grow tired of you.

Let's just say I prefer to be happy eternally, even if I can't describe it.

Critical times

So many scandals have racked this once proud country, so much corruption has maligned even the lowliest of public servants. The cancer is ever-growing, never stopping, as if Jose Rizal the national hero had not written his novels describing the prevailing social malaise.

A decade ago, when I was wailing my head off writing for college papers, I was already writing against the apathy that was engulfing my generation, and the generations after me. It was like finding a needle in a haystack if ever I knew someone who was thinking of the same problems I was thinking, and who shared the same views I held.

Nevertheless, I am not losing hope that we'll get out of this mire alive. It has always been that way. I do believe, though, that as a people, and as a forgetful civilization basking in the tropics, we will never walk outside the shadow of a colonizer, be it the United States of America or the People's Republic of China.

Still here, and existing

Perhaps it is a basic thought, but the past few weeks have not rendered me speechless, or have blocked my hands from writing. I have taken in another new meaning, I have taken in another life, I have taken a job.

The entrepreneurship trip is not over, though. I would rather want to see it from the perspective of a penniless businessman, who has to generate income to steamroll his own road towards progress.

I have aligned myself with the graphic design industry for two years now, and it seems I find more comfort in being creative with shapes and fonts rather than being creative with words and concepts. It is hard to learn, but it is so much better than being dumb and numb.

Look at what I found this Christmas

For Christmas, I bought myself something I've been missing all these years. It is not that expensive, but it is really hard to find -- happiness.

Being a complete family this Christmas season has enabled me to find happiness in my families, in the company of friends I have kept all through these years, and among my colleagues and associates I have returned to here.

There are new cherished friends, and some friends thought lost but are now here again.

There are, of course, gifts for children for whom Christmas is special beyond faith.

And as this fateful year draws to a close, I would like to wish everyone luck and happiness beyond measure for the coming years.

Maligayang pasko, Pilipinas, at manigong bagong taon.

Banners high for the Saguisag family

Tragedy has befallen the Saguisag family.

Being a family man myself, the accident that cost Atty. Saguisag the life of his wife made me think about my own relationship with my wife, and how things would be darkly different if all of a sudden she were to go Dulce Saguisag's way.

Life is short, and always we are reminded by the daily deaths that go on public record. However, it is painful to account (an understatement) that many deaths are caused by another man's irresponsibility -- violent deaths due to crime or worse, simple idiocy.

Dulce Saguisag died because of a driver who thought his vehicle of a dump truck was as light as a go-kart and could be stopped immediately by lightly pressing the brakes.

Dulce Saguisag died because of a driver who thought the meaning of traffic lights going from green to red still meant "go."

Dulce Saguisag died because of a driver who the Land Transportation Office (LTO) thought was responsible, intelligent enough to be given a professional driver's license.

I am seething with anger not because it was Atty. Saguisag who lost his wife, but because what happened to him can also happen to me, and I don't want to lie on a hospital bed, to the point of dying, ignorant of the fact that my wife, my lifetime partner, is already gone.

Back in chaos

Not exactly. It has been almost two weeks since my return from tropical Cebu. From the relaxed attitude, day in and day out, creative juice flowing kinda existence in that southern paradise, I am back in the hustle and bustle of the metropolis.

The first week was spent adjusting my in-laws' house to our existence as a family. Alisa never got tired of re-arranging the things, and she was especially thankful that I was around to help. She had a very, very difficult time when work started for her while I was still in Cebu, since she had to tutor our son and at the same time, have enough energy to do the nighttime shift. Therefore, one of the first things I did upon arrival was to cook my son's baon for school :).

I had planned to do several, simultaneous rackets upon my return. I am used to this kind of life before -- when literally I had asked friends for "something" to do -- a magazine to design, an article to write, a gig to play, a concert to go to. In the past, there was just time to burn, and nothing else. Money was scarce then, but money wasn't the center of attention (even now, I'm proud to say).

Alisa says she's proud of all the things I am doing. I say, you know what? There's this palpable difference between then and now, despite having the same hectic schedules and the all the task-juggling.

There is this sense of fulfillment.

I go home to the beckon of my son, always asking, where am I? Am I on my way home? How far am I? What exact time will I arrive home?

Tired and dizzy, I am energized whenever he calls out, "Daddy," and asks another question. Alisa says he is not that talkative with his biological father. I am thankful, then.

Very, very thankful.

sundo

To say that this song is beautiful is an understatement. The lyrics maybe that simple, but the promise of an eternal courtship lingers, across the rhythm and the melody.

Among Filipinos, fetching the woman one loves is an essential part of romance. Yes, there's this risk of the "fetching" becoming perfunctory and monotonous, but for a man so in love with a woman, fetching is a very powerful act of love.

And almost every woman I know has waited for someone... for a "sundo."

For Alisa, such a beautiful and strong woman:

Kahit anong mangyari, mahal, susunduin kita... umulan man o bumagyo, may sasakyan man o wala, alas kuwatro man nang umaga o alas dos nang tanghaling tapat.

Sundo

ng Imago

Kay tagal kong sinusuyod ang buong mundo para hanapin, para hanapin ka
Nilibot ang distrito ng iyong lumbay, pupulutin, pupulutin ka

Sinusundo kita, sinusundo

Asahan mo, mula ngayon, pag-ibig ko'y sa iyo

Asahan mo, mula ngayon, pag-ibig ko'y sa iyo

Sa akin mo isabit ang pangarap mo, di kukulangin ang ibibigay
Isuko ang kaba, tuluyan kang bumitaw, ika'y manalig, manalig ka

Sinusundo kita, sinusundo

Asahan mo, mula ngayon, pag-ibig ko'y sa iyo

Asahan mo, mula ngayon, pag-ibig ko'y sa iyo

...sinuyod ang buong mundo, naghihintay sa iyong sundo